the complicated life i lead... [entries|friends|calendar] Holly [ website | HOLLYS space ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

yoo [Saturday March 28th 6:37pm] So I have become very fashion obsessed of late. I am trying to revamp my style. I'm going for a mix between bohemien/80's/and vannesa from Gossip Girl. Ha. I've been trying to work with what I've got, but I've got a lsit of things I want. A few flowy medium length skirts, a pair of skinny jeans, a couple flowy scarves, some T shirts ( I found a Jonas Brother one. ha), High Top nikes (will never happen, but I really do need new shoes) and some sun glasses and maybe some hoops. I figure my mom will get me a couple new things for summer, I can get some at eatser, and I can buy the accsories/T shirts if need be. I really should be doing hw. Yes on a saturday night. I'm one big loser. lol.  comments

RAAAARR [Sunday April 15th 11:11am] I, like many other gilmore girls fans, am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the news. Gilmore Girls may be ending. There is still much hope however. Well my week off was great, but the week I returned was sheer hell, as i knew it would be. I have more make up work than anyone i have ever seen. It is ridiculous. Plus we had a ton of work last week. So today i get to finish it all. Such a fun sunday. However today was quite fun, so I guess it all works out. I'm going to right a poetry reflection. FUN! comments

Yawn [Tuesday March 6th 9:58pm] I am extremely tired. I had dance tonight and we were doing this move that i totally couldn't get. I was really proud of myself though, becuase i tried really hard. I also have been studying spanish. I got a 60 on my last quiz and it brought me down to an 88. I need to bring it back up to an A. A new gilmore girls was on tonight. It was really good. I think this might be the last season and that really upsets me. Extremely tired. Good Night comments

Virtual Tours [Saturday February 24th 8:33pm] Well I have been spending my evening watching college virtual tours on the u. Fun right? I still want to go to cornell, but it is a big party school. I did not no that. My mom yet again told me to go out and do something, but i really do not want to. Is it that weird that i don't like being with other people and hanging out. I like reading, cooking, studying, watching tv, and going on the internet all of which are activities i can do by myself. I am involved in a lot of extracurriculars and i talk to people at school i don't understand what is so wrong about this. She also keeps threatening to put me on medication. I do not want to be on anxiety medicine, i am fine without it. She has been going out with this guy Pete. It is so weird she has a boyfreind. w/e. Zach is at Marris's house so it is pretty quiet around here.well i guess i will go. comments

I am in dire need of a life [Friday February 23rd 8:50pm] Here i am. 8:50 on a friday night, sitting at my computer. I have watched Growing pains reruns, gilmore girls, consumed a piece of cake, and done nothing at all. My mother however is out. Like she is most friday nights. Now it isan't so bad when your freinds tell you that you need a life, or your brother, or even yourself. But when your Mother tells you, that you need a life you are pathetic. I do have freinds. I just rarely hang out with them. I like them, but honestly i would rather spend the evening by myself. Is that weird. Because i am getting that impression. Well, when zach starts going out more than I do i will get worried comments

STOP SMOKING WEEKEND! [Friday February 16th 3:14pm] Well, finally it is here. The weekend that Aunt Ellen and Mom agreed to stop smoking on. Zach and I kind of over did the preparations. We made flyers, brochures, and a smoking journal for each Mommy and Aunt Ellen. I know it is totally ridiculous, but it was fun. I wish I could do this for a real cause. Not that Stop Smoking Weekend isan't a real cause it is just unnesecessary preparations. It is to bad that I am on the 4 diamonds hospitality committee, it would be fun to make the posters and everything. But we do get to make the menus, maybe i can be a part of that. comments

Biology [Friday February 16th 8:53am] I hate panic attacks. Ecspecially when they are about things like my Bio mid-term. I hate Bio with a passion. The subject is not exactly terrible, but it is far from interesting. And my teacher just makes it so much worse. Mrs. Walizer is nice...but her tests are to hard. And you don't give people 10 days notice about a mid-term that contains 5 months of material. Well it is friday, yet another boring snow day. But at 10:00 i am going to start studying. I have it all planned out. Later on i am going to return my overdue library books. I hope i don't owe very much. My library books are always late, but it would probably help if their wasn't a ginormous hill to walk up. So tonight Grant is coming over again. During the day pixie will be here. I am pretty sure zach is going to Marris's tomorrow. It is good because it will leave us free to go get my glasses, go to borders, and hopefully the mall. But Grant will be there. I hope he is not going to be to much of a shopping impediment. Stanley is on...and i am so pathetic i know the theme song...and it is way after my time. I was 12 before we even got disney channel. well on that note... comments

Snow Days! [Thursday February 15th 2:01pm] Well, I have not updated in quite a while. But today, the day after valentines day i decide to write. Well there is very good reasoning behind this. Last night i was reading the Cornell student blogs off of the Cornell website. Not only did it make me realize that i sincerely missed my livejournal, but it also clarified the fact the I must go to cornell. I have never been so excited about college. It should be amazing. Well tuesday was the first official PA snow of the school year. About time seeing as last year it snowed before thanksgiving. We got out at 10:30 on tuesday and we were off yesterday and today. The only downside to this is we will no longer be closed monday, for presidents day, other wise known as snow make up day #2. Well i am going to be one of those terrible people who rant and rave about all of my school work. Literary tea next friday. I read a summer of kings, which is a fabulous book. I am rewriting the end and i really need to get my but moving. Also Mrs. Theigs and her creative presentations strikes again. This project will be the death of me. Unless of course my Bio mid term gets their first. AHHH Mrs. Walizer makes terrible tests. Of course we have a Euro test monday, which will obviously be a blast. And i need to finish Anthem by monday(i read about 5 pages) and of course Ms. Vanada smacks us with a spanish quiz. UGHH. Well i made a pink Valentines day cake yesterday. It was awesomely cute. And well saturday i am getting my glasses hopefully the cute red ones i saw at lenscrafters. But the stupid insurance only takes pearle vision..so they better have them. Well I must be going...maybe i will study...maybe :). comments

[Wednesday June 8th 9:25pm] have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl… “Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked. “I can’t” “Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me. “No… I am going to meet a friend…” He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why… Then one day… Me: Um, Jin, I … Jin: What…don’t drag, just say.. Me: I love you. Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home. That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many… Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily. Me: Jin… Jin: Here…take this… Again, he handed me a little doll. Me: What’s this? Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye. Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is? Jin: Today? Huh? I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…” Jin: You have something to say? Me: Tell me, tell me you love me… Jin: What?! Me: Tell me I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left. “I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.” That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me… After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll. Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came? I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual… Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why… I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road. Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again! I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking. “I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll… Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!! But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then… Honk~ Honk~ With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him. “Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll. “Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying. That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love… “One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls… “Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly… “I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked. “I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach. “I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side. “I love you~” “I love you~” “I love you~” Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much… “Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…” The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute… For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life…. repost this in the next 48 hours, or you will lose someone you love comments

[Monday April 25th 6:37pm] freinds only! comments

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